December 28, 2012

Guest Blog: Things I Want to Punch in the Face, Shopping Edition

Things I Want to Punch in the Face: The Horseshoe Edition
By Jennifer Worick

To know me is to know I love to shop. I’ve been on both sides of the cash wrap and after decades of hanging out in dressing rooms with funhouse mirrors and dodging overeager sales associates, I’m here to share a few of my biggest retail fails*:

Shopping with a drink: Unless it’s a sippy cup, don’t browse with your bevvie and don’t finger that silk blouse after downing your morning croissant.

Lingerie hangers: Unless you have a phD in product design, you aren’t getting that bra back on the hanger. And unless you have tiny fingers, chances are you’re going to break that hanger trying.

OSFA: Michael Stars, I’m looking at you. As a girl with big bazooms, don’t continue to tell me that your stretchy tee is going to contain my double Ds.

Pricetag shock: Yes, it’s spendy. No, it’s not made by child labor in third-world countries. Maybe, consider that unique, locally made items are worth the investment.

Photographing the barcode or hangtag: Don’t try on a pair of boots and then go home and buy them on Zappos. Try local and buy local.

Displaying one sample of each item: I’m not a size 6 and I’m not real psyched about having to ask a salesgirl in need of a sandwich for a size 12. If you’re only going to put one of each item on the floor, make it a size that most of us can fit into on our first attempt.

Mirrorless dressing rooms: The most likely reason that the mirror has no places is that you’re trying to flush me out of the retail brush so you can get me in your sights and kill me with false compliments. Reflect on that.

Worn Returns: There’s perfume on the fabric and a stain on the sleeve that looks suspiciously like pinot noir. You know you wore it so clip off the price tag and put it in your closet.

What are your retail gripes?

*These are my own beefs, and do not reflect the opinions of Horseshoe or its staff.

Jennifer Worick is the New York Times-bestselling author of more than 25 books, including the newly published Things I Want to Punch in the Face. She lives in Seattle. 

You can purchase Jennifer's witty books at the Secret Garden Bookstore in good ol' Ballard.
shop local online at  The Secret Garden